I’ve been thinking a lot about the lessons in my life. The lessons I’ve learned and the ones I keep revisiting because I haven’t learned them, yet. I must have said something out loud about it because my eight year old son said, “mom, give me a minute to meditate on it. God will tell me.” He crossed his legs and closed his eyes. He went into a quiet state during which I prayed God would enlighten my son. He opened his eyes and said, “mom, give me a moment to figure out how to say this.” I waited. He said, “you must learn to wait. You rush things.”
WOW! He is right. I rush things. I want things to be in their “right place, right now” and they just aren’t. Or are they? I think that is part of the lesson. I rush things, make poor decisions, and try to make the best of the decisions I’ve made. I don’t want to wait and yet, waiting is exactly the lessons I haven’t learned. What if I wait through this excruciatingly painful time in my life instead of trying to rush through? Is there a gift greater than any I have imagined if I just wait and not rush? Will something better than anything I have ever imagined emerge from the depths of this darkness? Will there be a light so bright that I won’t be able to keep from spending the rest of my life smiling, laughing, loving and living out loud?
I won’t find the answer to these questions if I rush. I won’t learn the lesson if I don’t wait. The urgency of my problems feels like it will overtake me and I will fall into a hole so deep I will never get out of it. And then what? How do I claw my way out of the deepest hole I have ever been in. If I wait the waters may come and drown me.
I fast and meditate today. I meditate on the lessons I haven’t learned. Help me learn these lessons, Dear God. Help me to see clearly the work you have for me to do in this life. Help me to wait and not rush. Help me to make wise and thoughtful decisions. Help me, please.