Several years ago, I was watching psychic John Edward http://johnedward.net/ on his show where he said the two messages he receives from “the other side” that he’s asked to pass on most frequently are “I’m sorry” and “I love you“. What really choked me up was when he commented about how much easier it would be for all of us if we could just learn to say those two simple messages to those we need to before crossing over.
In the spirit of that comment and because lives – in particular – children’s lives ride upon the success or failure of this case, Mom asked me to convey this open letter:
Nicholas: I have been fighting you since Day One – my good of the good – you are my heart and you guide every choice I make. You sing my praises when I succeed and you make me fight when I think I have failed; why I deserve your love is something that will never make sense to me and even after all this time, I still fight it. You have never let me go and you have never allowed me to opt out; you are my courage and you are the reason I believe in the good!
To my children: There are no words to the peace you have brought to my life – even when I am pulling my hair out, your innocence has made me come to life in a way I never would have without you all – you are my saving grace and the world is lucky to have you!
To the one I fear as much as I respect: Thank you for all you have given me, even the “Joker game”. Without trying to you gave me the ability to never give up – to seek answers, restraint and most importantly, God. I may still sleep with the lights and TV on but I am braver because you made me like that and I held onto it with everything I had left… May peace and God’s grace find you ~
To my brother: We were born of the same but God decided to take you home early and for years, I hated Him for that! But just today I came to understand that God took you home so you could still protect me in the only placed allowed. I SEE YOU and I hear your words everyday and I understand. Thank you for going home and thank you for letting me know you are always with me and always watching – I love you.
And for the rest: I believe in me. I see my wrongs more than my rights; guilt rules my soul more than beauty, but I know who I am and I have a full hand that cannot be beaten. I was left with my voice and the ability to silently listen and long after my days are done, those that would choose will still track you down. My wish is not to win or lose in this card game but to “opt out” of it, to “fold the hand” so hear me now: you will not get one more piece of me or my family – I choose to give you nothing more because I fold my hand and choose not to play anymore. You cannot compete with my family! There, you will always lose that hand! If I am dead tomorrow, my my name and voice will not be forgotten by those who love me which means YOU LOST and “showed your hand” too soon! You forgot about God’s law and the rules of love so ultimately, I will win! God’s truth will reign above all others and I know where I am going – do you? Duces ~
Very few DV survivors (and people in general) have the opportunity to say good-bye to their loved ones before meeting an untimely demise and while we’re TOTALLY hoping and praying to avoid anyone’s premature death, those are the cards that appear to be laid out on the table that no one seems the slightest bit interested in removing.
To be used as bait or to be considered an asset towards a larger cause is all well and good so long as you have informed consent, otherwise you truly are no better then those who you’re seeking to bring to justice, which reminds me of a quote from The Bible in Jude 1:11 where it says:
Woe to them! They have taken the way of Cain; they have rushed for profit into Balaam’s error; they have been destroyed in Korah’s rebellion. http://bible.cc/jude/1-11.htm
If you’re not a Bible geek, Balaam’s error (which is actually being kind/polite) has HUGE implications (see http://www.theearlychurch.com/english/f12.htm for more info about what it means) and Korah’s rebellion didn’t end well for Korah: the earth opened up and swallowed Korah and all his supporters (BUT I guess that’s what stands to happen if you put man’s law above God’s).
For me and many other DV survivors, there is no way to separate our fate from our faith and for DV survivors who remain at-risk of being killed, the opportunity to send an open letter like Mom’s above is an opportunity too many will never have.
As I said in opening paragraph of my very first Examiner article:
I was always told if you want to keep a civil discussion going, stay away from the topics of religion and politics but there’s a third topic that’s more explosive then both and like the nature of the problem, it’s one that’s kept intentionally hidden from public view: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
There is nothing civil about domestic violence or anything that it touches – it’s pure evil and the best defense I know to combat evil remains in the hands of a poor, homeless Jewish man who was mocked and disregarded by the authorities of his day and was ultimately killed for his “politically incorrect” proclamations and accusations against authorities.
Whether you realize it or not, all of our lives are intertwined and impact each other in so many ways but in our hectic, fast-paced existence those connections are often hard to visibly see, yet alone comprehend. Just bear in-mind that like domestic violence, just because you can’t physically see it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.
When you think about your life – and I mean REALLY think about it – where are you and what does it mean? The riches of this world/realm haven’t changed in thousands of years: power, privilege, popularity and possessions (all the temptations of the devil and all of which are completely meaningless in the eyes of God) remain the pursuit of man and as long as these are the standards, God, His truth and His justice will be kept far from us so no matter what role you play on this earth, just bear in mind whose standards you’re trying to live up to and choose wisely.